As an experienced IELTS Speaking examiner, I understand the importance of being well-prepared for this challenging topic. In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore strategies to help you ace the “Describe a difficult conversation you had recently” question, which is becoming increasingly common in IELTS Speaking tests worldwide, including Vietnam, India, Australia, and Southeast Asian countries.

Difficult conversation illustration

Part 1: Introduction and Interview

In Part 1, the examiner may ask general questions about conversations and communication. Here are some possible questions and sample answers:

Q1: Do you enjoy having conversations with people?

Band 6-7 Answer:
Yes, I generally enjoy talking to people. It’s a good way to learn new things and make friends. Sometimes it can be challenging, but overall, I find conversations interesting.

Band 8-9 Answer:
Absolutely! I find conversations to be incredibly enriching experiences. They not only allow me to forge meaningful connections with others but also provide an opportunity to broaden my horizons and gain fresh perspectives on various topics. While some conversations can be more challenging than others, I believe that even difficult dialogues contribute significantly to personal growth.

Q2: What kinds of conversations do you find difficult?

Band 6-7 Answer:
I find conversations about sensitive topics like politics or personal problems quite difficult. It’s hard to know what to say sometimes, and I worry about offending people.

Band 8-9 Answer:
I’d say the most challenging conversations for me are those that involve addressing conflicts or delivering constructive criticism. These situations require a delicate balance of honesty and tact. Additionally, discussions about highly emotive or polarizing topics, such as politics or social issues, can be tricky to navigate, as they often demand a high level of emotional intelligence and the ability to respectfully disagree while maintaining a positive rapport.

Part 2: Long Turn

Cue Card

Describe a difficult conversation you had recently
You should say:

• Who you had the conversation with
• What the conversation was about
• Why it was difficult
• How you felt after the conversation

Sample Answer (Band 6-7)

I recently had a difficult conversation with my roommate, John. We’ve been living together for about a year, and there have been some issues with cleanliness in our shared apartment.

The conversation was about the state of our kitchen and living room. I wanted to discuss how we could keep these areas cleaner and more organized. It was difficult because I didn’t want to offend John or make him feel like I was attacking him personally.

I felt nervous before starting the conversation because I’m not very good at confrontation. During our talk, I tried to be polite and explain my concerns calmly. I suggested we create a cleaning schedule to make sure we both contribute equally.

After the conversation, I felt relieved that it was over, but also a bit worried about how it might affect our friendship. However, John seemed to understand my point of view, and we agreed to try the cleaning schedule.

Sample Answer (Band 8-9)

I recently found myself embroiled in a particularly challenging conversation with my longtime friend and current roommate, Sarah. The crux of the matter was the delicate issue of our shared living space’s cleanliness and organization, which had been a point of contention for some time.

The conversation centered around our differing standards of tidiness and the equitable distribution of household responsibilities. What made this dialogue especially difficult was the need to navigate the fine line between addressing my concerns and preserving the harmony of our friendship. I was acutely aware that mishandling this discussion could potentially strain our relationship.

Initiating the conversation was nerve-wracking, as I’m generally averse to confrontation. However, I steeled myself and approached the topic with as much diplomacy and tact as I could muster. I made a concerted effort to use “I” statements, expressing how I felt about the situation rather than casting blame. I also proposed a collaborative solution in the form of a mutually agreed-upon cleaning schedule, which I hoped would address the issue systematically.

In the aftermath of our discussion, I experienced a complex mix of emotions. There was an overwhelming sense of relief that I had finally broached the subject, coupled with a lingering anxiety about potential repercussions on our friendship. However, I was pleasantly surprised by Sarah’s receptiveness to my concerns and her willingness to work together on a solution. This outcome left me feeling cautiously optimistic about our future living arrangements and reinforced my belief in the power of open, honest communication.

Follow-up Questions

1. How do you usually prepare for difficult conversations?

Band 6-7 Answer:
I try to think about what I want to say beforehand. I also consider the other person’s feelings and try to choose a good time and place for the conversation.

Band 8-9 Answer:
When preparing for challenging dialogues, I employ a multi-faceted approach. Firstly, I meticulously outline the key points I wish to address, ensuring I have a clear objective for the conversation. I also engage in perspective-taking, attempting to anticipate the other party’s viewpoint and potential reactions. Additionally, I carefully consider the optimal timing and setting for the discussion, aiming to create an environment conducive to open and constructive communication. Lastly, I often rehearse different scenarios in my mind, which helps me feel more prepared and composed when the actual conversation takes place.

2. Do you think it’s important to have difficult conversations face-to-face?

Band 6-7 Answer:
Yes, I think face-to-face conversations are usually better for difficult topics. You can see the other person’s reactions and explain things more clearly.

Band 8-9 Answer:
I firmly believe that conducting challenging conversations face-to-face is paramount in most situations. This approach allows for the full spectrum of communication, including verbal cues, body language, and facial expressions, which are crucial for conveying nuance and empathy. Face-to-face interactions also demonstrate a level of respect and commitment to resolving the issue at hand. However, I acknowledge that in certain circumstances, such as when geographical distance is a factor or when immediate action is required, other modes of communication might be necessary. In these cases, video calls can serve as a viable alternative, offering many of the benefits of in-person dialogue.

Part 3: Two-way Discussion

Q1: Why do some people avoid difficult conversations?

Band 6-7 Answer:
Many people avoid difficult conversations because they’re afraid of conflict or hurting someone’s feelings. It can be stressful to talk about serious issues, so some people prefer to ignore problems instead of addressing them directly.

Band 8-9 Answer:
There are several compelling reasons why individuals might shy away from challenging dialogues. Primarily, there’s often a deep-seated fear of conflict or confrontation, rooted in the desire to maintain harmonious relationships. Additionally, many people grapple with anxiety about potential negative outcomes, such as damaging a relationship or facing rejection. The emotional toll of these conversations can also be a deterrent, as they often require vulnerability and the possibility of experiencing uncomfortable emotions. Furthermore, some individuals may lack confidence in their communication skills or fear that they won’t be able to articulate their thoughts effectively. Lastly, there’s sometimes a misguided belief that avoiding the issue will lead to its resolution over time, a form of wishful thinking that can ultimately exacerbate the problem.

Q2: How can technology affect the way we handle difficult conversations?

Band 6-7 Answer:
Technology can make it easier to have difficult conversations because we can use text messages or emails instead of talking face-to-face. This can be helpful for shy people, but it might also make it harder to understand each other’s feelings properly.

Band 8-9 Answer:
Technology has profoundly transformed the landscape of interpersonal communication, including how we approach and manage difficult conversations. On one hand, digital platforms offer a certain degree of emotional insulation, allowing individuals to carefully craft their messages and potentially reduce immediate emotional reactivity. This can be particularly beneficial for those who struggle with face-to-face confrontations or need time to articulate their thoughts coherently.

However, this digital buffer is a double-edged sword. While it may facilitate initial communication, it can also strip away crucial non-verbal cues such as tone, facial expressions, and body language, which are integral to conveying empathy and understanding. This lack of nuanced communication can lead to misinterpretations and potentially escalate conflicts.

Moreover, the asynchronous nature of many digital communications can both help and hinder difficult conversations. It allows for more thoughtful responses but may also protract discussions that could be more efficiently resolved in real-time. Additionally, the permanence of digital communication can add an extra layer of pressure, as individuals may be more cautious about putting sensitive matters in writing.

Ultimately, while technology offers new avenues for addressing challenging topics, it’s crucial to discern when digital means are appropriate and when the complexity of the conversation demands a more personal, face-to-face approach.

Key Vocabulary and Phrases for High Scores

1. To broach a subject /brəʊtʃ/ (phrasal verb): To introduce a topic, especially a sensitive one.
   Example: I was nervous about broaching the subject of our relationship problems.

2. To navigate /ˈnævɪɡeɪt/ (verb): To carefully handle or deal with a difficult situation.
   Example: It can be challenging to navigate conversations about politics with family members.

3. Tactful /ˈtæktfl/ (adjective): Showing sensitivity and skill in dealing with difficult situations.
   Example: Her tactful approach to the disagreement helped resolve the issue without hurt feelings.

4. To empathize /ˈempəθaɪz/ (verb): To understand and share the feelings of another.
   Example: It’s important to try to empathize with others during difficult conversations.

5. To mediate /ˈmiːdieɪt/ (verb): To intervene between conflicting parties to promote reconciliation.
   Example: The manager had to mediate the dispute between two employees.

6. Constructive criticism /kənˈstrʌktɪv ˈkrɪtɪsɪzəm/ (noun phrase): Feedback that is helpful and intended to improve something, rather than just criticize.
   Example: She offered constructive criticism on my presentation, which helped me improve it.

7. To address an issue (phrase): To deal with or discuss a problem or situation.
   Example: We need to address the issue of tardiness in our team meetings.

8. To find common ground (idiom): To discover shared interests or beliefs.
   Example: Despite our differences, we were able to find common ground on environmental issues.

Examiner’s Advice

To excel in the IELTS Speaking test, particularly when discussing difficult conversations:

1. Practice describing various challenging dialogues you’ve experienced, focusing on your emotions, the reasons for the difficulty, and the outcomes.

2. Develop a range of vocabulary related to communication and conflict resolution. Use these words naturally in your responses.

3. Work on your ability to provide detailed, well-structured answers. Use linking words to connect your ideas logically.

4. Prepare to discuss not just personal experiences but also broader societal issues related to communication.

5. Practice speaking for 2 minutes on various topics to build your fluency and confidence.

6. Record yourself speaking and listen back to identify areas for improvement in pronunciation, intonation, and stress.

Remember, the key to success in IELTS Speaking is not just about having good English skills, but also about effectively conveying your thoughts and experiences. Good luck with your preparation!

For more IELTS Speaking practice, you might find it helpful to explore topics like describing a person who has achieved a significant accomplishment or describing a person who motivates you to take on new challenges. These topics can provide additional context for discussing impactful conversations and relationships.